As a migraine suffer, the holidays are never easy; temptation surrounds you everywhere you go...great food, smells from candles to food baking, loud parties and you never know which one is going to do you in for the day. For me this Christmas Eve, it was the combination of noise and smells...going to someones house that you can't control the cigarettes and candles, it was bad.
But in my world, you somehow have to go on, I still have a husband and teenagers and they need me and I made it through Christmas. I have a wonderful family who supports me and leaves events before they are ready, the help where it should be my job and they pump me full of meds! I am so fortunate, even though sometimes I forget how wonderful they are to me.
Christmas day went well, I slept most of the day away. But then the dreaded visit came...had to go visit a family member who is making life miserable for all of my family and I really didn't want to go, but I did. The beginning of the visit was good and then the bad subject came up and for once in my life I screamed at that family member, he's old, I shouldn't have screamed. I should have come up with a better way to get my point across, but I didn't. You know the sad part is that he probably has made the situation all about him because everything is always about him, but what I yelled about had nothing to do with him.
I love the Lord with all my heart and soul and I had to ask forgiveness, what I thought in my head that night was sin. I was so angry and I still am angry...I need to give it all to the Lord and just let it go and give it all to him.
Migraine...stress...head has been really bad since that incident....I am now over 300 miles away from that person and I still am stressing. Food is bad, I don't want to eat because I am fearful of everything I put in my mouth right now. I want to cry, I can't cry anymore or it's going to make my head worse.
So, on the day of Christs birth, I yelled at the old man...how horrible am I? I am so sad, I know I am depressed right now, angry, frustrated...oh well!
Today I spent most of the day playing on Facebook and doing paperwork. I wish the paperwork was done, why can't I ever seem to find the bottom of the pile? Does anyone ever find the bottom of the pile?
Need to get back to work, I just was thinking about how everything I do revolves around my head and how sad that makes me.
